It’s common to feel bad about our bodies, but if it stems from a deep-seated problem then it is potentially dangerous as you run the risk of suffering depression and other psychological issues. For a long time, I was aware that I was suffering from body image issues but I didn’t dig deeper to find out the root of it all.
Similarly, a lot of people may not even realise that they are suffering from low self-esteem or eating disorders until someone points it out. Eating disorders are not to be taken lightly as there are young people, especially women, out there who are losing their lives because they want to be thin.
Here are 10 reasons why people fall prey to body image struggles:
1) Exposure to mass media
Movies, magazines, television, the internet and now social media, are various sources where people see tall, pretty and slim (or skinny) models, singers and actresses. They start downloading these photos and putting it as wallpapers of their phones, to remind them to work to get that body. However, a lot of these models don’t look on point all the time and the photos are retouched too. Look at this list of celebrities who had their photos photoshopped.
It doesn’t help that society is generally superficial and skinny is seen as the norm. People think thinner means fitter and thinner means beautiful. That’s not true. We each have unique bodies that function differently – for example, I wasn’t born petite and I tend to have more curves, so I won’t idolise women who are thin because that’s not the shape I’m meant to be. If healthy for my body type means curvier, if fit in my sport means toned thighs, I’ll gladly accept it.
2) Idolising of celebrities
Similar to the above point, there is a danger in idolising celebrities, especially the negative impact it has on teenagers. Young girls grow up wanting to be skinny and are afraid of being fat. It is very heartbreaking when you hear of eight- or nine-year-olds going on a diet or saying they will only feel better if they are skinny.
Did you know that eating disorders have a higher mortality rate than other mental health problems? Young girls out there are dying and losing their lives all because they want to look skinny. You may think that leading the life of a celebrity is all glitz and glamour, but a lot of them are suffering with their bodies too. They starve themselves, exercise excessively (think Kpop stars) and some even end up getting involved in drugs, which leads to them being in rehab.
If you really want to look up to celebrities, choose the right ones. There are some celebs in the industry who bash Hollywood’s ideal body image. Like what Beyonce said, “Confidence makes a woman sexy. Women should not get caught up in someone else’s definition of beauty. We are too obsessed with what a perfect nose is, or perfect hair, but there is nothing more beautiful than loving yourself and being confident.” (Read more of such positive body image quotes from celebrities here.)
Be proud of your own life and cherish your loved ones who love you for who you are. You don’t need to be skinny to be accepted.
3) Comparison to others (incl. friends and family)
Stop comparing yourself to others. Many people start comparing themselves to others, be it celebrities or people around them, and then they form this ideal body for themselves. For example, skinny legs with a thigh gap, big boobs, thin arms and perhaps a set of six-pack abs. Then they go on to try all sorts of things to get to that – eating clean, eating below a certain number of calories, hitting the gym every day etc.
Some manage to go on and get the body they want, but most don’t because it is not realistic to keep to such a regime. And for those who do attain this body, the question is – how long can you keep this up? Unless this is required for your profession, it is going to be very painful for the average person.
Also, everyone’s body is not the same, so even if you started out on a journey the same time as your friend, you may not have the same results as her. She might have a better metabolism than you or maybe the exercise she is doing is more suited for her body type. Don’t make yourself miserable by comparing yourself. Life is not a popularity contest. Just rule your own game!
4) Bad relationships
If your partner constantly tells you that you’re fat and you need to something about it, ask them to back off. Of course, if you are unhealthy and overweight, and he/she is just encouraging you to do something for your health, that’s fine. But if you’re healthy and you exercise regularly, they shouldn’t be putting you down.
Many women suffer from facing too much negativity in their relationships. For example, their boyfriends might point at other women on the street and say, “See, she’s so slim. Why aren’t you like that? Exercise so much but still so fat.” Look, if they want to start comparing, they can jolly well go and date those ‘slim’ women then. You don’t need such negativity in your life.
Sometimes, the partner starts cheating with someone hotter (eg. bigger boobs or skinnier) and it makes these women feel terrible about themselves, making them want to prove that they can be skinny and hot too. Ok he’s a jerk for being unfaithful, so don’t keep thinking that the problem is you and you don’t need to prove anything to him. If he thinks you aren’t sexy enough, throw this guy out. I’m serious. It’s his loss. Someone who really loves you will not do such things to you.
5) Toxic friends
Likewise, if your friends are often commenting that you’re getting bulkier or bigger, question them back: “Why are you saying that I’m fat?” Many times, they are insecure about themselves, thus they need to put others down to feel better about themselves. Good friends will look out for you and join you if you decide to embark on a new regime to become healthy and active. They will encourage you to do the right thing, but they will also caution you if you overdo things. You don’t need to be exercising day and night every day or only eat vegetables with no other carbs.
6) Preparation for major events (eg. weddings, prom nights)
Losing weight for your wedding is very, very common. It is normal to want to look your best on the biggest day of your life when you marry the love of your life, but don’t take such drastic measures that you ruin your metabolism for the rest of your life. If your partner really loves you, he/she will not expect you to be a size zero for your wedding. Alright, if you want to shed a few kilos and get more toned, that’s fine. Just don’t overdo things and start going on low-calorie diets and too much exercise. A spoilt metabolism takes years to recover. What’s the point of looking all sexy and slim at your wedding, then suffer a rebound soon after and end up having to deal with silly people’s criticisms of your weight gain?
7) Bullying and teasing
People need to learn to be kind with their words. All it takes is one careless comment from you and it might set someone off on a dieting spree. You are going to feel so guilty if they end up spiralling downward into hospitalisation or suicide just because of your silly comment about their thighs looking bigger.
When you see someone you haven’t seen in a while, ask about their family or work. I cannot understand why people need to comment on whether they have lost or gained weight. Are you that superficial that your judgment stops at the surface?
In school, many kids get bullied for their weight, which leads them to develop inferiority complexes at a very young age. Some get out of it, some never do. Sometimes it might just be friendly teasing, but you don’t know how the victim is gonna take it. So teach your kids not to bully others about their size, you be kind with your words and call out bullies if you have to.
8) Puberty
Hey, this is something we cannot run away from. Your hips will round out, you will get curvier and your body changes. You cannot be comparing yourself to the time when you were a kid.
9) Pregnancy
Mothers are superwomen because they have the ability to create life within them. How beautiful is that? After birth, many women wail at their weight gain and some feel depressed for a long time because they are unable to get back to their pre-pregnancy bodies.
10) Silly internet trends
Pro-anorexic (pro-ana) websites, the #A4waist challenge, #ihavei6legs, #youhaveagoodbodyifyoucantouchyourbellybutton, #coinsoncollarbones, #thighgap, #bikinibridge – these are things that you shouldn’t be following. They are silly and they do you no good. Why do you have to be so skinny? Why do you have to give up the meaningful things in life and become a slave to the scale / A4 paper? These are actually body shaming challenges. You don’t need to show off how skinny you are. And YOU don’t need to look like them.
Remember, you are beautiful the way you are. Aim to be healthy and active. I don’t mean you need to exercise really hard and be competitive, but enjoy the workouts and achieve a balance.
